A few years ago, I felt like my family belonged to one of the single best congregations anywhere around. The focus on Jesus was unmatched. The unity among such a large, diverse group of people was incredible. Then there was the love…for the first time in my life, I understood Jesus’ promise that His followers would receive family “a hundredfold now in this time” (Mk. 10:29-30). So, imagine my surprise when at an Outreach Bible Study at an area restaurant, the minister leading our discussion was repeatedly sidetracked by a Christian sister’s comments expressing deep dissatisfaction with the congregation – and specifically criticizing its lack of love.
How could our experiences be so different? It is true that while “God shows no partiality”, sometimes we do (Acts 10:34). After all, James had a reason for warning us not to treat the well-dressed better than the poor in our assemblies (cf. Jam. 2:1-7). Yet, I’m not convinced that was the issue here. For one thing, I had never met that sister before. I’d never seen her sitting in a class or at a fellowship meal. I had never passed her in the lobby socializing after worship services. I did see her at worship the following Sunday – as she entered late and left early.
Now, don’t judge her. Some mornings are rough, and there could be valid reasons for a late entry and early exit. Yet I know that when I haven’t felt the love in my own life, it was available: I just wasn’t open to receive it. Jesus challenged the lukewarm, self-centered church in Laodicea, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me” (Rev. 3:20). Jesus offers close, personal, real relationship to us – but we have to open the door. Relationship doesn’t just happen: we have to work at it.
Too often, though, we focus on what someone else should do. We expect people to “just know” we need something without us asking – despite Scripture plainly teaching, “You do not have, because you do not ask” (Jam. 4:2). We keep people at arms’ length – but then feel hurt when we face our troubles alone. We show up to church late, leave early, and then wonder why no one knows who we are. We can tally how long it’s been since someone called us – but real relationship means sometimes dialing that phone ourselves.
So, before we tell somebody, “If you really loved me, you would…”, consider what Jesus told the Laodiceans: “I counsel you to buy from me…salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent” (Rev. 3:18-19). Relationships take work. Once Jesus heals our eyes, we will see things we can do ourselves to start to have healthier relationships. The opportunity is there. Jesus is knocking. Open the door.
It is not good to be alone. Through Jesus Christ, God gives us a way to experience real relationship. Learn how to experience it along with us at https://www.georgetownchurchofchrist.com/real-relationship.